Mood- rebellious
Health- dropping fast
I have my night all scheduled out...
You see, I ate pizza.
Yes, I know, there is no worse food in the world for someone with Gastroparesis to eat than a Supreme Pizza but dang it, it smelled so good and I needed to feel normal and be normal after the past weeks so I got what I wanted for a change instead of what I could have.
Tonight's schedule is as follows-
- Chew TUMS like they will stop the nausea and pain. (Chances are they won't, but even if they diminish it a little it would be worth it)
- Writhe in pain on the bed and moan about never eating pizza again.
- Have a painful long bout of Dumping Syndrome (this will take about an hour or two, so get ready for some more swearing you will never eat pizza again and TUMS chewing).
- Lay trembling on the bed as wave after wave of cramps and chills wash over you, Chew TUMS and swear you will never eat again, period.
- Tell Husband "no, I do not have to go to the ER" at least five times (he will ask more than that, but after five times you can just start flipping him off instead of talking... while chewing TUMS and swearing you will never think of food again)
I am already through step one and moving into step two just on schedule... it would be nice to skip step three but I can already feel the 'burbling' below my stomach and know that Dumping is just a matter of time.
Why, if I know that this is how my night will go did I ever do this to myself?
I did it and I will probably do it again because I am human and as such I need to know that there are good things in the world, that I might suffer for it but I need to be able to taste and remember and with that taste hope that one day I will be able to simply eat the pizza without knowing it would make me sick.
Now, back to reality... step three is getting closer and I will have to put my dreams on the back burner for a bit.
Was it worth it?
Ask me that tomorrow... I can't answer yet...
I was diagnosed with gastroparesis about a year ago. It only took two years to figure out the problem. While most days I do good sticking to the yogurt, grits, applesauce, liquid stuff, there have been times when I break down & eat a slice of pizza, although I just eat cheese pizza. I wouldn't attempt a supreme. And like you say, I swear I'll never do it again, but...
ReplyDeleteit does happen again :(
lol it's so sad that we all know it so well! Most days I think pizza is EVIL but then strangely, once in a blue moon, you take total leave of your senses and that pizza becomes some kind of mission...for what...yup, to prove that indeed the pizza is an EVIL EVIL thing lol!
ReplyDelete