Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Mood- frustrated

Health- broken record

Today is the 100th post, 100 days in a row of posting about what is going on in my invisible life.

I am so frustrated... so depressed...

I wanted to do something so very simple... I wanted to go grocery shopping using my coupons because two different stores were running specials for the past couple of days, one tripling coupons with a face value up to a dollar and another doubling coupons with a face value up to two dollars.

I had my coupons ready... I had checked online for electronic coupons... I matched and compared sales in the stores along with loyalty card discounts and other bargains and had my list ready.

I did not get the chance to go...

My husband decided that he did not want to go first thing in the morning, and if you do not get there first thing in the morning then the items on the shelf with any coupons out there will be cleared out by the other couponers.   He woke much later and declared it was time to get ready to go, but we both know that from past experience that it would be wasted trips.

I cannot drive due to my health and voluntarily gave up my drivers license years ago so there is no way that I could go alone, so my coupons went to waste, many of them expiring in just a few days.  Savings on items that I need (things I can actually eat) are gone and if I was healthy enough to drive I could have gone alone, but dizziness and weakness took that from me years ago.

It is a sad state of facts that I get so excited about something as stupid as going grocery shopping and look so forward to it... the same way that others might look forward to going to a Broadway show or on a special trip.  

It is not that I was really healthy enough to go today... I have been so very drained lately that the thought of going was rough, but I was going to battle through it and go... and my choice was taken away.

That is the crime of having an incurable invisible illness... that your choices are ripped away one by one until you feel like a prisoner in a broken body and dependent on others and when they let you down as well it can take a lot of the battle out of you.