Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Mood- ambivalent

Health- blargh (I wonder why I keep this thing since it is kinda unchanging, lol)

Today I discovered a major plus for keeping this daily blog... I actually know lately what day of the week it is!

This might seems like a strange comment, but you have to realize that I am pretty much bed bound and never really anything to break up my timeline... no working so no weekends to look forward to and as a result I would often wonder what the date was... or the day of the week.

I do not always watch TV, so I cannot tell the date by the shows that are on... I do not get the paper so I do not get the weekly reminder of the Sunday Comics and coupons. I would lose entire days, thinking it was a Monday when it was a Tuesday then being very upset that I had lost an entire day in my life and no clue where it went.

Time moves differently for those with a Chronic Illness... no longer are there days of the week with weekends as comforting bookends... there is "at the Dr today" and "went to the ER yesterday"... there is calling in refills before you run out and counting pills not days. Some days drag on forever when the pain or nausea eats at you slowing the hands of the clock and other days pass without notice because you are in such a fog from the physical aspects and the emotional aspects that they blend together and you don't know if you did something that day or the day before.

As alien as the schedule of life of a person with a Chronic Illness sounds to you... your 'normal' timeline is alien to us and sounds fascinating and exotic. To actually have a schedule that you can follow every single day??? Getting up at the same time at least five days a week??? Making plans and never doubting that you can do those things??? It sounds like a fantasy, some fairy tale told in a far away land where kissing a frog will bring a prince with a 3 bedroom house in the suburbs, two cars, 2.3 children (I always wanted to see the 0.3 child) and a dog... where neighbors dropped by for impromptu cook-out, the men went to work in suits and the women cleaned the house in dresses with full make-up and hair styled.

Oh, I should mention that those little saplings are holding on to hope... maybe they will get into the ground here soon? (I hear Vegas is now taking bets)