Mood- vacant
Health- drained
Today has been a mammoth struggle... all I want to do is lay back down and sleep.
It might be the infection, it might be the malnutrition... I have no clue, all I know is that getting the laptop out today to keep up with my pledge to blog every day is the only reason I pulled it out. I made a pledge to myself to do it and I am going to do it.
I have been informed that the saplings are still green, so there is hope that one day they will dig their roots into Virginia soil and grow... I just hope they can hold on until I am able to get to it.
There is a wonderful bit of writing called "The Spoon Theory" ( http://ww.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/ ) which explains so very well what it is like to live with a chronic illness. Today I woke with 1 spoon and used it pulling out the laptop.
My chronic low grade fever is spiking on and off (probably the infection) yet my hands and feet are like ice and I just cannot get them warm, my abdomen feels like it has been through a dull meat grinder and my heart has been doing some interesting things. I have a fingertip pulse-oxometer that shows your heartbeat and strength... there is nothing like seeing it jump then go flat and everywhere in between. Watching my pulse flat line is always fun... I sit here thinking "I am blinking... I am breathing... I must not be dead yet" then the pounding and jumping around starts again and I take the thing off, shrug and find something more interesting to watch, like the tiny cobweb I can't reach... will it wave to the left or the right with the ceiling fan? High excitement in my life!
Don't think that my life is all doom and gloom... I am involved in a new project along with many in my Gastroparesis community (my family of heart if not blood) that is very exciting and promises to give us a voice that will last for generations to come.
As for right now... my spoon is gone and so is the last of my energy.
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