Health- same
Today I had a lot of trouble coming up with a blog idea... I mean.. come on, just how many exciting things happen to someone who is all but bed bound and never leaves the house? I doubt anyone would be interested in the fact that I fluffed my pillows or hear about my three hour search for the remote control for the TV (it was under the pillow, should have flipped it earlier!)
The truth for many suffering from Invisible Illness is being house bound if not bed bound. Energy is in short supply so getting 'out and about' is often dreamed of but rarely realized which only adds to the isolation... which feeds the depression... which makes the person not want to get up.
It is a cruel cycle... one part feeding another part over and over, but to break the cycle first you have to feel better physically, and for someone with an incurable chronic invisible illness this is not a possibility.
Many do strive hard to get out and about, depleting already depleted energy stores in order to have human contact, pushing themselves to the point that their bodies often break down and they end up sicker than before.
I, personally, push myself about 6 times a year by going to visit my family out of state and other than that I might get out of the house once in between trips to go to the store (which is to me like going to an amusement park with others). I see going to the store as excitement... I see other faces... I hear voices and see the outside world. It takes a lot of planning and energy to get ready for the store... and by the time I am ready I am exhausted.
At the store I use either my own wheelchair or the store's automated carts (though these are not always available) but even with that it is exhausting; though I will push through it just to have the experience. By the time I get home I am often close to tears... the pain can be overpowering, the nausea devastating and it can take me days to recover... but it is always worth it.
After a trip to visit my family (where I push myself to new levels, trying hard to get all I can out of the visits) I am usually not just bed bound but exhausted beyond recognition. My stores of energy are completely tapped and my body always makes me pay with chest pains, spasms so hard it feels like a seizure and often infections attacking my depleted body.
Yet... I will hear people say things like "you are the healthiest looking sick person I have ever seen" or "you are losing weight, good for you!". Yeah... it might be good that I am losing weight, but not how I am losing it and the fact that the loss will continue long after it is a 'good thing'. I am glad that you think I look good, but that is the cover... and I wish you would instead read the book.
On the sapling front, they are still holding on and I have been told that they will go in the ground this weekend... we will see.
No comments:
Post a Comment