Thursday, June 16, 2011

Mood- numb

Health- crapola

Late start on today's entry... day three of not getting those saplings planted, if it does not get done soon it will be too late, but I cannot do it and my husband just keeps putting it off... oh well, it was a good idea.

Once more I am not able to do much at all, if I try to walk the pain is pretty bad so I am in bed most of the time.

On the plus side I managed to get 28 ounces of fluid in yesterday... 8 ounces over my goal... woohoo!!!

On the minus side, the gastric bleeding seems to be picking up a bit... nothing like having straight blood or bright red clots as the only bowel movements... TMI and yuck at the same time, aren't you glad you read this?

Any "normal" person would be dashing to the ER or the Doctor if they had this going on... I went that route... got the colonoscopy that showed nothing... the EGD that showed duodenal ulcers but no bleeds meaning that it is probably somewhere in my small intestine. That and since I do not have insurance I can't afford to go to the ER to be brushed off at a rate of $300 an hour. I did find out (when I requested a CD copy of some CT's last year) that I have multiple diverticulum (which would have had to form in the past two years, post my most recent colonoscopy) that I was never told about, once even an active abscess diverticulitis, which I was not told about. So... I bleed... I have iron deficient anemia (that I can't take anything for) and I wait to see what new joy will enter my life.

The abdominal pain, distention and nausea are constant companions, but since there is nothing I can do about it I barely mention it to anyone anymore... what's the use?

One other condition I have is multiple large complex ovarian cysts on my left ovary... these were discovered before I lost insurance and were to be taken out after jumping through unbelievable hoops to get cleared for surgery because I am a bad surgical risk... then my husband lost his job and we lost our insurance just 2 weeks before the surgery date. These dang things leak (as shown on many CT's) which hurts like hell... often... like 3 weeks out of every 4...

I searched and searched for someplace that could help me and finally found an indigent care program 90 miles away at a University... but when seen there I was told "you are too much of a surgical risk"... so I get to simply LIVE with the added pain these delightful acid leaking bags of joy add to my life. The GYN blames my Gastroparesis for the abdominal pain and the past GI (prior to losing insurance since my appointment to see one through the program is in January 2012, the earliest I could get) blames the cyst... and I am left in pain with every Dr saying "not me!"

Lets just say that today has not been a good day... The things that are wrong with me cannot be seen by the naked eye (other than the dry skin and pale nails) so since I do not look sick I must not be sick, right?