Health- drained
Broken record blog it seems... while I have tried today to reconnect a bit, it just about brought me to tears trying to read posts on facebook and retain what is being said then make a response. ARGH!!!
The nausea has made a weird change... I feel like I want to vomit non-stop, but not the painful stomach flu crampy pain of a stomach ache... just a my stomach wants to empty immediately feeling, but since I have lost the ability to vomit it is not happening.
In frustration, a sort of flipping of the finger to GP if you will, or maybe desperation to replace the nutrients my body so badly needs, I ate a sub today.... huge HUGE HUGE mistake because it triggered a bout of Dumping Syndrome... which managed in 40 minutes to rid my body of all of the fluids I managed to cram in it plus desperately needed electrolytes. Sighs...
I know what is going on... I know what I need... I need to go to the ER and beg for fluids and Magnesium but the 180 mile round trip is just not in the budget at this time and I have no way of knowing that if I do make the trip they will take me seriously and give me what I need. I know that it is a combination of dehydration, magnesium deficiency and other deficiencies (plus anemia) that are causing all of this but getting an Intern at an ER to listen to me can be all but impossible... after all, they are "Doctors" and have done years of medical school and I can't possibly know more about my body than they... the fact that I actually live in my body and know when something is wrong... and know how I feel when certain things are wrong and what it was in the past and how it is treated does not count.
They will assume I am drug seeking (even though I will refuse any pain killers because I am allergic to all narcotic pain killers) and when told I do not want any they will short circuit and fixate on pain killers and me refusing any even though I am in pain, asking me over and over why I am refusing them and trying to figure out 'something' for the pain and forgetting the reason I go went there in the first place. (Happens all the time) then release me after maybe 1 bag of saline and some tests then call me 24-48 hours later saying "your test results were abnormal, follow up with your doctor" who might call me back or might not since it is through a program for indigent care and he does not really know my case and does not believe that Gastroparesis can be bothering me at all because I am overweight. (I should mention that I have seen him one time... and even when told I have been to some of the top Gastroparesis Doctors... when I had insurance... he believes that only diabetics get Gastroparesis and since I am not diabetic.....)
One might think that what I go though is an isolated case... but the truth is that getting any kind of quality care when a person has Gastroparesis can be hard... few doctors specialize in gastric motility disorders and few of THOSE specialize in Gastroparesis so the patients are often left in the cold and staggering on their own when it comes to medical care. I have friends who have been told by Hospital ER's to stop coming in unless they are dying because they end up going to the hospital so often for pain, nausea, vomiting and dehydration... but what are they supposed to do? If you had the 'stomach flu' for years, vomiting 20+ times a day, barely able to eat anything and unrelenting pain wouldn't you go to the ER when it got worse? Wouldn't you want help?
I don't vomit... I lost the ability to do so over 2 years ago but before then I vomited all the time. I have nonstop abdominal pain... just the thought of anything touching my abdomen makes me cringe... when riding in a car I cram my arms in my seatbelt to hold it away from my abdomen and every pebble on the road feels like a punch in the gut. This is another reason the 180 mile round trip is being put off... the idea of the trip itself. Would you put yourself through hell on the chance that you might get some relief but knowing that the trip back would be as much pain? Especially knowing that the chances are that you will be ignored and they will do nothing? (The track record is not good)
So... I will simply try to continue cramming in liquids and hoping that when I wake up tomorrow the fog will be gone and I will not be exhausted... and I will keep fighting and hoping that this is just a bad patch... maybe a virus... and if I hold on just a little longer it will get better.
This is how today is... sorry if I rambled, keeping track of my thoughts is a challenge but I tried hard over hours to get this post understandable. (Sorry for any typos, spell check does not want to work)
No comments:
Post a Comment