Thursday, July 28, 2011

Mood- blah
Health- repetitious

Well, today I woke at around 6pm and if it was not for this blog (and my commitment to do a daily blog) I would definitely not have pulled my laptop out today and would have instead simply rolled over and go back to sleep.

Yep, this is my day today... nausea (burning, hot and insistent), pain (abdominal, not just my stomach but the entire abdomen along with jaw, head, sinus, knee, kidney and ankle pain), exhaustion (despite 12 hours sleep) and the frustrating process of trying to make lists of things that I have to get done tomorrow and early next week.

I am the list queen... lists of lists so I can find them, lists of things to do for awareness, lists of contacts to make for that family in Mississippi to try to help them, lists of home projects, lists of possible locations for an awareness event.  Lists lists and more lists of lists...

Then I was informed that we are invited to a family dinner (invite is a mild term for this) for my Mother-in-Law's Birthday, which is the day before my Husband's Birthday which is the day before my Son's Birthday.  I have extreme dread of this 'get-together' because the last one I attended was very stressful.  I brought my own 'meal' (a Pediasure) but was told that I was going to eat instant mashed potatoes they were about to make.  I asked them not to make them (since they were making them for me and another family member with Gastroparesis who also did not want anything to eat at the time) and was lectured that they were making them and we were going to eat them and that is that. They then proceeded to mound huge spoonfuls in a bowl and seemed very upset when we both only ate a few mouthfuls. 

I have to go... it does not matter that I have not been out of the house in over a month because I do not have the strength to do anything, it does not matter that I might not be up to going that day (those with chronic illness like Gastroparesis do not know how we will feel from minute to minute let alone in a few days) I have no choice because if I do not go it will be seen as an insult.

Honestly, I do not want to go because I do not want to face another 'dinner' where I will have food forced on me and be lectured and harangued until I either eat it or simply walk out which would add a whole new level of troubles.  I am caught between protecting myself from harm and having my Husband's family upset with me and hurting their feelings by either not going or having to leave if pressed to eat (and if I have to leave my Husband will have to leave also since I do not drive).

I have tried over and over again to explain to them but they just do not 'get' it and I doubt that they ever will.  It is not that they are not compassionate, they are... it is that they just cannot grasp things that they, themselves, do not experience.

So, you see, someone that strives to raise awareness in the world can often have the hardest time simply raising it within their own family and it can be very depressing to know that no matter how much you explain or describe you are in an uphill battle and outnumbered.