Health- ambivalent
Yesterday's blog was about exhaustion and today's will be about it's wicked step-sister "brain fog".
Brain fog is when you have trouble concentrating, recalling words and completing thoughts or sentences.
It is more than forgetting where your keys are or walking into a room and forgetting why you walked in there... it is forgetting for a moment where you are period or forgetting what you were thinking about as you are thinking it. Frustration is high with brain fog because whole days can be lost as you try to remember what you were going to say or do a minute ago.
It drives me crazy, because I will start to say or write something and the slightest noise, pain or action will have me blanking out completely... my temper is short and trying to explain why is all but impossible when the words I need are lost somewhere in the fog and I will lash out at whatever it was that 'dared' to step in on my thoughts. It is not intentional and I always feel guilty when it happens because the anger is actually against myself and my dang brain but whatever made me pause is what I lash out at.
This is another lovely thing that those with Gastroparesis must deal with if they are suffering from malnutrition or deficiencies and why those suffering may pull away or grow quiet from time to time. It is not that they are depressed (though who with a chronic illness that is not understood by most and invisible would not have to deal with depression?) but that they cannot follow things or express what they are feeling or thinking because the words are locked somewhere deep inside and they can't find them. Rather than blather on hoping to stumble upon what they were trying to say they will grow quiet and simply struggle to follow things others say.
Today I am struggling to follow anything at all... struggling to write this in total silence and hoping that I can get across this aspect of Gastroparesis.
It is not a lack of intelligence and not avoidance... it is being unable to see through the confusing clutter and make sense of things or express things in a way that makes any sense, and since you have trouble thinking things out you wonder if anything you say makes sense, so you doubt your words and simply grow quiet.
I hurt... and pain attacks my concentration... I am malnourished and have multiple deficiencies and that attacks my concentration... I am exhausted and that attacks my concentration... I am nauseous and that attacks my concentration... so I go quiet...
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